Suelo’s Short-Stories! Master Quinn!
March 11, 2021
*This is a SHORT STORY. If you would like a sequel, email me. If I get enough emails, then you can have a sequel, maybe even a couple chapters. Enjoy.*
Nicholas Quinn was a basic boy, in a basic city. There was a basic schedule that all the cities residents followed. “Wake up, clean, and brush, eat, work, and eat, work, eat, brush, and sleep.” All the residents wore the same type of clothes and the same color of clothes. Nicholas Quinn was an odd boy on the inside. He knew things were basic and boring in this city, but he never told anyone.
One day, Nicholas Quinn was working with his brother on fixing the doorbell. His brother’s name was Phillip Quinn. Phillip Quinn was just like his father, and all the residents in the city, boring and basic. When Nicholas and Phillip were working on the doorbell, Nicholas saw something. At first, he thought it was probably just a bird or something like that, until he saw it again, and again, and again. Eventually, he saw these weird colorful dots circling around him. He thought he was just imagining things but then, he saw his brother’s expression and realized this was real. The colorful dots were making a noise, it sounded like they were saying; “Master Quinn.” Phillip screamed and ran to go tell his mother what was happening. Nicholas was scared to death, but like he does with all his feelings, he didn’t show it. The dots kept on repeating the name; “Master Quinn”.
Nicholas and Phillip’s mother came out to see what was happening and the colorful dots flew away. Nicholas was curious what these dots were, so he chased after them. When he caught up with the dots, he saw something that was out-of-this-world. It was a portal leading to who-knows-where. And, because Nicholas Quinn was a curious boy, he walked into the portal. Lights raced as he stepped in. He felt light as air for a few seconds, and then, he was out of the portal. He saw trees with apples of all colors, streams filled with the freshest of water, and the thing he noticed the most was the giant furry creature standing above him. The giant furry creature said in a gruff, loud voice: “Good evening, Master Quinn.”
*This is a SHORT STORY. If you would like a sequel, email me. If I get enough emails, then there will be a sequel, maybe even a couple chapters. Thank you.*
For any questions or comments email me at [email protected]. You can also comment down below.
Consuelo Carlson-DeBoo is a 7th grader at Brier Terrace Middle School. He lives with his Mom, Dad, Baby Brother, and pet pig. Consuelo is a HUGE Star Wars...
Just saying, giant furry creatures just seem kind of out of the ordinary, tbh. Anyway, I liked how you made everybody just sound so mundane, this part, especially:
“Nicholas was scared to death, but (as) he does with all his feelings, he didn’t show it. ”
I thought it was really clever how you described how he felt, why would anybody express emotion in such a boring world?
I understand this is a newspaper article, but I would’ve liked to see a little bit more description: What was wrong with the doorbell? What color were these dots? Aside from the routine, why was this city so boring and basic? If you can describe a boring situation in a verbose manner, it really hammers in how boring it is, and, in a way, makes it fun to read. For example, instead of saying that they were simply fixing a doorbell, you could describe it in this way:
“The doorbell was broken, and it needed to be fixed. It didn’t look broken on the outside aside from a few dried white paint flecks from the subpar house-painting job that Phillip was tasked to do not too long ago. The doorbell was broken on the inside, and when you pressed on it, it never made that ‘ding-dong’ noise that used to always happen when you tapped it.
The only person who rang the doorbell was Ned the Mailman, Ned rang the doorbell and gave the Quinns their mail. Now that the doorbell was broken, Ned couldn’t ring it and the Quinns couldn’t get their mail, the Quinns missed their mail, so they decided to fix the doorbell. Nicholas wasn’t really sure how doorbells worked, but Phillip was a bit of a party animal, he knew everything there was to know about doorbells. He knew the weight of the button could depend on how hard a person would have to press to get it to work, for example. ”
And so on and so forth. Anyway, that was about a paragraph of boring description that, at the same time, told a lot. You might have realized that this place really was boring, who cares if Phillip knows so much about doorbells? I understand that I’m a weird writer, and I like everything to be descriptive and verbose, but I just wanted to give a few suggestions to make the writing, in a way, “Pop”. But it’s your writing style, and that’s great, you don’t have to listen to a single thing I said, this is just a list of friendly suggestions.
I am very interested in what happens to Nicholas, though, so make a sequel!
-Finn
Finn,
First of all, thanks for the comment! Glad to know people are reading this! The only reason I didn’t add more detail and a description of things is because every thing in the city is supposed to be boring and basic. I kind of threw the “boring” part out of it and just made this “basic.” I’ll try to get a sequel out. I’m just stalling until I get an email or two so I know other people are reading this. I’m thinking of creating multiple parts of this story (I don’t just want to leave everybody on a cliff-hanger.) Thanks again for the comment.
-Suelo