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Liz’s Advice Column

Now reaching across the globe.
Lizs Advice Column

Hey there Bulldogs, it’s me.
You might be wondering what this article is about, but I’m not. I’m just going to make this a BAD advice column! Comment a question and I will answer it in the funkiest and most likely wrongest way. Enjoy.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1rKdZVIRKPsH_Kd9JD9645nX52D_bvriH8rQNAJS2wnc/edit#responses

Q: “Help there’s a bug” from anonymous

A: I’d recommend inviting the bug inside if they’re not already there and offering them a glass of tea. Ask about their day, chances are they are just here to have a nice talk.

 

Q: “Help, there’s another bug.” from anonymous

A: That bug is here to take revenge for its fallen brethren, I’d recommend locking your doors and shutting the blinds. No one can save you anymore.

 

Q:” Does pineapple belong on pizza?”

A: Why are you asking me this? Ever considered that I have questions, bet you didn’t.

 

Q: “UUUHHH. What’s ur favorite thing to do when ur alone?” from Jack

A: Idk, draw, read, plan for the coming end that will take us all, watch YouTube.

 

Q: “If I don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings, but they are really annoying and I don’t want to interact with them anymore, how can I, without making them sad, get them to be less interactive with me?”

A: I’m sorry that’s happening, I’d recommend just tearing the band-aid off and just talking to them about what’s bothering you, if that doesn’t work you could always go with the OTHER option.

 

Q: “um basically i dont wanna be friends with this girl because shes trying to steal my mans so yeah but she also keeps coming up to me acting all buddy buddy, but i dont want to talk to her so idk what to do.”

A: You don’t need anyone, leave your man, leave your friend, go run into the woods and become a witch.

 

Q: “I think the bug came back?”

A: That was me, sorry if I scared you.

 

Q: “I got a big crush on this girl that you 100% know and I literally don’t know what to do cuz she’s so pretty and I get rlly nervous everytime I see her”

 A:  I’d say just tell them, they’re really cool so even if they don’t share your feelings I bet you could still stay friends. I’d recommend asking to hold hands and declare your love under an umbrella as it rains, if you give me 10 dollars i’ll sing romantic songs while you do it.

 

Q: “I made a silly goofy advice column but it’s going VERY WRONG, what do I do??!?!!!!??????!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!??!?”

A: I’m so sorry, you should keep trying and power on you little steam boat.

 

Q: “the bug may or may not have just consumed my right arm”

A: You’ll just have to grow another one I guess.

 

Q: “I don’t know if my friend is toxic. She jokes a lot. I’m sensitive so I don’t really like her saying that, but if I tell her that, then she might take it as a joke. Also, it’s not just sensitivity. It’s mostly not sensitivity, its about how she says the jokes. The tone is implying almost as if she sorta hates me and is being rude…?? She also makes jokes like this to my 2 friends Lila and Rayan, basically everyone around her??. 😐 pls help (p.s. she can be nice too sometimes)” from Julia K. (Fairmount Heights Middle School)

A: I think you need to just talk to your friend, in order to make her think you aren’t joking around. I’d recommend speaking with a straight face and by telling her it is not a joke. Also, how did you find me? I looked up your school and it is in New York??? Please contact at [email protected] because I am very confused.

 

Q: “what do i do if my bff is secretly dating my ex-boyfriend but she thinks it’s still a secret? I kinda like her ex boyfriend though-should I go for him?”

A: Leave her.

 

Q: “I’m in a relationship with someone and sometimes I feel like they don’t love me back, it’s probably just paranoia but what should I do”

A: Tell them how you feel, relationships are supposed to be open minded. It’s also okay to take breaks from relationships, if all else fails you could always hide under their bed and whisper good things about you while they sleep, it’ll either make them love you a lot or fear you more than anything else, 50/50.

 

Q: “what do i do when it feels like I’m getting weaker every day? What if I’m too exhausted to do any of my assignments? what if i don’t pass my classes?”

A: I’m very sorry that’s happening, it is okay to take breaks from time to time. Things may seem like a lot right now but if you look back in a couple of years you’ll be like “why was I so stressed about middle school homework?”. Your middle school grades won’t affect you so you should try your best not to worry about them. That or you could sell your organs, flee the country and go live the rest of your days as a hermit. P.S, what you’re describing are common depression symptoms, I’m NOT a specialist but if you ever need anything don’t be shy to email me.

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About the Contributor
Hi! I'm Liz, I'm an 8th grader and this is my second year in journalism. I go by she/her pronouns and enjoy doing art, writing, and hanging out with animals. :)

Comments (7)

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  • B

    benyamin wardak ¦ Feb 29, 2024 at 7:05 pm

    I tried giving a bug that came into my house a cup of tea, but It fell into the cup and drowned. but the tea still tasted fine afterward surprisingly.

    Reply
    • L

      Liz H ¦ Mar 1, 2024 at 8:46 am

      tea tastes good no matter how many bugs you mix in.

      Reply
  • C

    Clara Bakkane ¦ Feb 29, 2024 at 10:19 am Bulldog Brief Pick

    Quick tip – don’t pay Liz to sing songs unless you want to pay for demonic shrieking.

    Reply
  • H

    Holden Menzie ¦ Feb 22, 2024 at 11:44 am

    this is really helpful advice, I really do want to know if pineapple belongs on pizza in your opinion, because I think it does

    Reply
    • L

      Liz H ¦ Feb 26, 2024 at 12:32 pm

      that’s a good question.

      Reply
  • C

    Calvin Stuhff ¦ Feb 22, 2024 at 11:29 am

    Cool

    Reply
  • C

    Clara Bakkane ¦ Jan 31, 2024 at 12:31 pm

    this is high-quality advice right here.

    Reply