Tardy Sweeps and Taco Bell

Hey everyone. Today I’m going to be (satirically, which means inaccurately or falsely, it’s not supposed to be serious) adding on about the tardy sweeps. Let’s get started.

So there have been some MINOR issues with the school’s new tardy sweeps. You know, a few deaths, a couple of lawsuits. I think we have totaled 17 deaths. As you may have heard, Retlaw Black has been fired from bulldozing the students. The reason for this is, Retlaw was being too soft on us kids. He only produced about one kill a week. The students had a ceremony for him before he left. Many students cried. Retlaw was last seen outside a Taco Bell with a sign that said “I want my Taco Bell coupons back.” I guess he misses being paid in Taco Bell coupons.

There is one student who is being noticed as a traitor. We will keep them anonymous. The student can be found screaming the phrase “NOT STRICT ENOUGH!” during passing period. This student dreams of being the next bulldozer for the school. There is another student whom we shall also keep anonymous. This student supports the bulldoze movement. They will not have any interviews with us. That is all we know.

Many students have been rioting and hijacking the bulldozers, and have been having bulldozer fights. Most students gamble on these fights. There is a student who goes by the name of David Cardwell. He is our current bulldoze fight champion. I won $300 and a Taco Bell coupon because of David. Thanks, man.

There is a new type of currency going around in our school. 3 words, Taco Bell coupons. 1 Taco Bell coupon goes for an average of $50. If you have a Taco Bell coupon you can pay the bulldozer drivers off for a week. Try to get your hands on some. I’ll sell you one for $20, that’s a pretty good deal.

Well, that’s all for now. I will check in soon with the new tardy sweep rule. I hope you live through these trying times. May the odds ever be in your favor.

*Suelo’s current status is alive and rich with Taco Bell coupons.