Kangaroo Boxing Ring Started In School Parking Lot

Hi, David here. I’m here to report on the recent boxing ring that started after school. Even though the school was still recovering from the bulldozer lawsuit, the goldfish lawsuit, and the massive death toll caused by the dozers, a new boxing ring was started soon after the recent events. I think this really goes to show the amazing mental state of this school’s students.

For BTMS, a boxing ring doesn’t seem like a huge event, considering its interesting history, but this boxing ring was made unique a few days after it started. A student named Luke Wallace, who was recently featured in a change.org petition to get him a ticket to Liechtenstein, brought in kangaroos from Australia to spice up the fights. In the past, kangaroos were used in boxing fights, and could easily win in one kick, this being because their legs are incredibly powerful.  Many students have tried to beat one, as there is a several thousand dollar cash prize, but only three have succeeded. Madilynn Preuss was a winner because the kangaroo kicked too high and missed her. Yoel Santos won by scaring the animal. Jonah Scutcliffe brought a B-52 bomber jet. I can’t really expand on that one. 

Several paraeducators and teachers have tried shutting it down, but they were brutalized by the kangaroos. Kristina Morales was one of them. She is now in a hospital suffering from several broken bones. There is is no information on if charges will be pressed, but Luke Wallace has released a statement saying that there is no case for a lawsuit, as she was “trying to suppress our right to assemble peacefully.”

There is no word on if the ring will be shut down, but one thing for sure. The only person benefiting from this is Luke Wallace, who charges admission to the fights, and collects money from students for the use of kangaroos. Thanks for reading, David.