Hi, David here, and I’m back with another top notch article relating to school news! Today I will be writing about the issue of overcrowding around the school, and my personal suggestion on how to fix this issue. Many students have faced issues related to this, such as: being pushed around in the halls by all the students, being late to classes because the hallways are too crowded, and having anxiety because of the amount of people around them. I have a list here of proposals on how to fix this issue:

1. Flooding the halls in between classes. Some may be caught up in the current, but I trust no one can drown in the only 3 feet of water I’m proposing. This may cause some damage to students materials, but maybe we could have some students sign a liability waiver for any damage caused to materials. As for structural damage, I’m sure that nothing will happen from the several tons of water being pumped throughout the hallways between classes.
2. Releasing wild badgers in the halls between classes! This idea is great because students will have a drive to get away to class once they are released. The primal instinct to not be mauled should be plenty of motivation to keep students on time to their classes. There’s no way anything could possibly go wrong with this plan, not even a chance.
3. Hiring military drill sergeants to order people through the halls. This might not be as persuasive as some of the other strategies I have listed, but it is probably more on the legal side of things, as students being mauled/drowning would not be a liability. Also, people will probably react in a much more calm way, whereas with the other two options, people may react with panicking.

I have even received several quotes in support of these ideas: